Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and a collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives. —Frederick F. Flack
I instantly resonated with this quote when it appeared in my inbox last week. I feel it basically sums up my life over past 8 months, especially the last two months. Upon returning to Kenya I decided to devote my time and energy to three main organizations where I felt the most connected, as I found I was spreading myself too thin the first fourth months here. I chose (or rather it was more of a mutual choosing) to focus on three organizations where I thought my skills, knowledge, time, and energy would be of most assistance. In choosing to do this I thought I would have some extra time to selfishly focus on “Danielle” activities like reading a good book or even keeping up with this blog. Ha – joke is on me!, as I am sure you can tell since it’s been well over a month since my last blog post. However, I can’t complain – I am 100% invested in all of the organizations I am thoroughly involved with and have been able to accomplish some pretty big projects over the past two months – it’s amazing what can happen when you are driven, focused, and passionate about what you do. I seriously feel sometimes as though I am busier now than when I was working full-time. Each day has its own agenda of a meeting to attend, a yoga class or two to teach, a project to work on, children to see for therapy, assisting Kenyan yoga teachers in finding jobs, or a leadership/empowerment class to teach at the Girls Centre. However, I have found myself drumming up the courage to politely decline participation in events/projects/etc – which if you know me, you know how hard it is for me to say those to mere letters “No”. I find if I don’t say “no” then I am just digging myself deeper into this hole where nothing will get accomplished. So, this is just as much of a learning curve for me as it is for all those I am involved with.
Needless to say A LOT has occurred since I arrived in February. In subsequent blog posts I will write about what I have been able to accomplish since returning and where each day is primarily spent – I would rather spend this particular post on a subject I have become extremely intrigued by and have gained a lot of clarity in over the past 2 months.
Drum roll please…..the subject is Teenage Pregnancy in Kenya. As I am reflecting on how this topic has continued to surface itself in front of me on numerous occasions over the past few months, I am now understanding why I have become so increasingly interested in this issue.
As you walk through any of the informal settlements (aka “slums” but I personally don’t like that word) that surround Nairobi it is hard not to notice the hundreds of little kids that are constantly running around and it seems that every other lady you see has a small child wrapped onto her back with a kanga (local African material). I spend a few days/week in these informal settlements that do not have access to clean, fresh water, sanitation or sometimes even electricity. Without fail I will have little, beautiful, children running up to me saying, “Mzungu, mzungu, how are you? How are you?” Yes, it brings a smile to my face every time and then in the same heartbeat I can’t help but wonder to whom do all of these children belong – Single mothers? Teenage mothers? Single fathers? Teenage fathers? Are they being raised by their mother and father in the same house? And sadly, I have to wonder, are they orphans who don’t have either, but are being raised by a family member or perhaps a neighbor or by an orphanage?
As I introduce myself to local females in this country - whether it is at the Hawkers Market Girls Centre, a yoga teacher from Africa Yoga Project, a wife of an employee from Honey Care, or a saleslady at the local vegetable market I frequent one of the first questions I am asked is, “How many children do you have?” Now, I will admit part of this interest in this subject matter probably stems from my own insecurity of being 32 years old and not having any children and recognizing that my biological clock is ticking. But, I am also confident in knowing Madison and I will have a family at some point and we wouldn’t be living in Kenya at this point in our lives if we had children already – hmm or would we? One will never know. My response is always with a smile combined with a childish giggle, “No, not yet, but someday”. The most memorable response I received was, “In God’s time you will have children, in God’s time.” I sometimes back up my “no children” response with saying my husband and I are waiting until we are financial secure enough (if there even is such a thing) and know we can provide for a family. A common belief among Kenyans is that “God will provide” whether you have one child or ten children and you know you do not have the financial means to support your family. So, you can only imagine the response I receive when I foolishly state my financial concerns.
One more reason this subject strikes a cord in me is upon returning here in February I became privy to some news that I probably shouldn’t have been told. I found out a girl who I became fairly close to during my first few months here and who I assisted in successfully finding a job has a small child and gave birth to her when she was in high school. I was taken back by this information for a number of reasons and more than anything else I was hurt that she never told me herself, even when I specifically asked her if she has any children. I realize that I am allowing my own personal feelings (Did she not trust me? Did she think I would think less of her? Did she think I wouldn’t have been so supportive of her?) become involved in this, but this triggered me to further try and understand the culture around teenage pregnancy here in Kenya.
Fortunately, all of the organizations I am involved with involve women (anywhere from 16 years old to 40 years old) from the informal settlements. Through them I have been able to gain insight into a situation that just baffles me. As the universe continues to work in its powerful ways – the following week after finding out the above mentioned news I was helping a local yoga teacher with her resume. We started to talk about our personal lives and she revealed to me she has a child. She explained to me how she was so ashamed of becoming pregnant while in secondary school and being a teenage mother that she gave her baby to her mother to raise up country (in the village where she is from) and for the first few years of the child’s life she didn’t acknowledge her child. As she matured and went through some personal transformation (yoga inspired) she realized how important it is to raise her own child and now she is a wonderful mother to her baby. I told her the story about my friend mentioned above and she explained to me how although it is so common to for girls to become pregnant as young as 14 years old, they won’t admit they are mothers to people like me for fear of judgement and are ashamed of themselves– "it’s just how things are and to not take it personally". This is one of those things in life I have to learn to let go of, but I so badly want her to know that I would have never let the fact that she has a baby get in the way of our relationship
On Tuesdays I volunteer at the Hawkers Market Girls Centre and lead a Life Skills/Leadership/Empowerment Course with a friend, Farida, who also volunteers her time. A few weeks ago Farida was educating the girls about abortion and the complications that come along with it. The class then turned into a lively discussion and debate about abortion. 90% of the class of girls clearly stated they would never have abortion, even if the baby was conceived out of rape. The other 10% of the class took the opposite stance. This discussion then lead to the issue of teenage pregnancy, how widely accepted it is here, especially in the informal settlements, and how it's “ok” for young girls to have a baby and then without a second thought give it to their mother to raise so they can finish school or continue on with their lives child-free. Why is this “OK” or so socially accepted? Yes, it’s great for the girls to finish out school, but why is that pregnancy is so common and handing off their children to their mom’s so second nature? One girl's reason was because they aren't educated by their mothers about sex, birth control, etc. - so it's the parent's fault and they should then raise their child. It’s also fairly common for their mom to have a child the same as their child (the mom’s grandchild) so it also make sense for their mom to raise the two together. I have to admit I was kind of blown away by that reason or should I say excuse. Another reason is sex education isn't taught in the schools here at an early age even though it should be – especially since by the time they do receive sex education they are sexually active. Another reason is birth control is expensive, relatively – and even if they do have it, it is not used properly and it is normally not up to the girl to have the boy wear a condom. In addition, we discussed the disturbing issue of how girls are pressured into having sex for money (and they need the money to buy food, for basic survival). Girls are still pressured at Universities and Secondary Schools by teachers/administrators to have sex in order to get their test results or to pass them, even though they have the grades and earned the diplomas/degrees.
The emotions that surface about this topic are indescribable. When is this vicious cycle going to stop? Will it every stop? I asked the girls at the end of the discussion –“ Knowing what you know now and the lack of education you received about sex, puberty, hormones, etc – Will you educate your children at an earlier age and be open with discussing these life skills with them?” Unanimously, they all said, “yes”. I am hopeful this generation combined with education at an earlier age will be the start of the end of this vicious cycle.
In March the girls from the Hawkers Market Girls Centre celebrated International Women's Day - the event was sponsored by Google Kenya.
Part of the curriculum of the Girls Centre involves doing home visits to meet the girl's family, gain a better understanding of their social situation, and to address any concerns/questions the parents or caregivers may have. In this picture, Isabella, Centre Manager, is next to me and Sheila, a current student, lives with her mom.
Yvonne (next to me) is also a current student of the Girls Centre and lives with her older brother. She is very bright and performed very well on her Form 4 (Grade 12) exams, but didn't have the funds to further her education and attend university. When Melissa visited she immediately bonded with Yvonne, whose dream is to become a nurse. Who can guess what I am going to say next?? Melissa is going to sponsor Yvonne through nursing school - so amazing!!