The End or Just The Beginnig?

Wednesday, 2.17.10
There was a loud, harsh storm during the night. The rain against the hotel windows woke me up….but I luckily managed to go back to sleep. I could feel the sadness already start to spread throughout me as I awoke. It was my last full day in Uganda; my last day at the Building Tomorrow construction site; my last full day amongst 24 inspiring women who I have connected with over the past 1 ½ weeks; my last full day physically present in this journey....but I know emotionally and mentally it's only the beginning.

After our last early morning yoga session we met with a lady from the organization, Hope After Rape. Although extremely informative it was an emotionally heavy way to start the day. It seriously made me want to vomit when I heard her say: When a man chases you and you are unable to escape, if he successfully throws you down (aka rapes you), you are then his wife. Seriously, does this really happen? Yes it does. I wish I could be ignorant and pretend I didn't hear what she told us and go back into my pretend "safe bubble", but that wouldn't be reality, would it? I read an article in the Uganda local paper the next morning about a 13 year old girl who was in the fields farming with her 2 younger sisters and was raped by 3 men. She told her parents (which girls often don’t do for fear of being stigmatized by her family and village) and the 3 men were found and captured by the local police. I know this is a daily occurrence here, but rare that you hear the rapists are captured and punished. Hope After Rape provides psychosocial support to women who have been raped and aims to empower women to speak actively and take ownership of their rights.

Driving to the school site we saw the effects the rain had on certain villages/ slum - due to lack of proper drainage homes were flooded with muddy, dirty water….water pouring into their doors, causing many to take whatever personal belongings they can save and evacuate. Needless to say it was a depressing site, which just added to the emotional heaviness.

When we arrived at the school site we were greeted by many of the same children, women, and men that were there on Monday. The emotional heaviness started to lift. Many of us were eager to get right into the physical work. Others had activities planned for the many, many children – jump rope, dancing/imitative motor games, creating “peace” postcards, bubbles, handing out stickers (the children LOVED the stickers) and playing with soccer balls…..although we stopped the soccer ball inflating and handing out quickly as the children were fighting, surrounding the bus begging for the balls….mass chaos. We didn’t have enough balls for everyone, so they were encouraged to share and play together…..and the rest of the soccer balls were saved to use when school is in session.

I spent most of the day with the hoe….leveling the dirt in the framework of different buildings and breaking up huge clumps of solid dirt. I am not going to lie….it was physically exhausting for me – plain out hard, tiring, exhausting work - and I like to think I am in good shape - but not for this kind of stuff. But this is how they have to do things here. There are no fancy loaders or backhoes here to move the dirt, no machinery to level the ground. It is amazing to me, keeping in mind this is coming from someone who has never done this type of work before, how using such simple tools, a lot of manpower, the collaboration of many, many people, and a lot of volunteered time a rewarding project like this can come into existence. The entire school project is estimated to take 5 months with hopes of the children starting to attend the school in September. I realize that our 3 days of work here provided a very minor contribution when looking at the whole project (and probably slowed down their progress while we attempted to make some of the bricks:)....but I like to think the enthusiasm we provided by showing up to work with them to build their school will continue to last throughout the life of the school. It would be very rewarding to go back to the site and see the finished project at some point in my life.

Another rough statistic:

Less than 50% of children attend primary school even though there is free primary education in Uganda

Only 10% then go on to secondary school

Only 3% go on to university

We were told 25 trees were purchased for us to plant to symbolically represent our presence at this site. Due to lack of time only one of the trees was planted but it was a nice, celebratory way to end our time there. We waved goodbye from our bus until everyone was out of sight and distributed leftover lunch food to locals along the dirt road leading to the main road. Once we got to the main road we saw the sign designating our school (top picture).....so if I ever do go back it might be easier for me to locate than I thought....yes, that is what went through my mind.

As we drove back to Kampala that day so many thoughts were spinning through my mind:

• What do the women who I see sitting outside their home with their babies do every day? I would love to spend a day in my life as one of them to truly understand what their life is like....yes this is what goes through my brain.
• What thoughts go through the men's heads all day sitting outside their shops of mattresses, furniture, food (slabs of meat, produce) tires, bikes, clothing, trinkets, etc. Who buys this stuff and how often?
• How heavy are the baskets of bananas the women carry on their heads? How do they balance these huge loads?
• Will these children running along the roads, in the narrow alleys between homes, carried on their mother's backs receive an education? What does their future hold?
• Will it always be this way here...so primitive? Do they really want it any other way?
• What do all of these people really think of us mzungos (white people)?
• What's next for me in my life? Why am I so drawn to Africa? At some point in my life, I would love to come back here to do more, but with Madison alongside me.

I leave tomorrow morning for Nairobi, Kenya to meet up with our friend, Sach, and Madison arrives tomorrow evening:)! I plan on blogging about the rest of my journey through Kenya and then England before returning to Denver, but for now....1 final thought:

During my time on earth, I want to know deep in my soul, I am able to do everything possible to live my life to the fullest potential. I truly feel that throughout this journey, from the moment I signed my intention form in January 2009 to the past week and a half I have done just that.

Thank you for your love, support, and guidance and following me throughout this journey.......

Rain,Rain, Go Away......

2.16.10
Tuesday was a rainy, cloudy day. We headed out to the school construction site knowing there might not be as many locals working since it was raining. The rain didn’t prevent me from working in the dirt-I came prepared with my bright green raincoat. How often am I in Africa getting my hands dirty helping to build a school? Normally rainy, cloudy days put me in a sluggish, logy mood, but I truly felt so “alive” this day – the rain drizzling down, sliding in the mud as I was pushing the wheelbarrow, sweat pouring out of my pores under my green raincoat, dirt accumulating under my nails. I kept thinking about how I have so many choices to avoid getting wet when it rains back home…..I can stay inside in the comfort of my home if I don’t have to work, run errands using my car for transport, hide under an umbrella or raincoat when walking from my car to the store or someone’s home. The people here don’t have these amenities or choices. They don’t have the option to use a car for transport when it rains, or at least very few do. Few have raincoats or umbrellas or even shoes to wear. Quite honestly I don’t think they really care too much if its raining nor does it affect them. I felt it would have been very selfish of me to not go out and work that day in the mud. Even though there were less than 20 locals working with us it was a very productive, inspiring day.

It’s only natural for me to befriend the locals as we are working alongside one another. I was talking with one friendly man about his family, his children, if his children would attend this school once it’s built, how far away he lived, etc. He was very kind to offer me a ride to his home with him so he could show me his house…I of course chuckled at his offer.....hmmm…..now what would my mother say if I told her I accepted? I pictured her lecturing me when I was a little girl about not taking any offers from strangers (see mom your life’s lessons to me and savvyness are still paying off). Although he was insistent and I would like to think he is harmless….I politely declined with a sweet innocent smile on my face, trying not to offend him. It was probably not the safest situation I could put myself in while on this journey:).

Community

38 Million children in the US wake up every morning and have the opportunity to attend school

41 million children in sub-saharan Africa wake up every morning and do not have the opportunity to receive an education, as there is no school for them to attend.

I spent my last 3 full days (2/15 , 2/16, 2/17) in Uganda working on building a school in a remote village outside of Kampala, Loufuka Village. 135k of the proceeds raised from this fundraising challenge went to building this school, through a program called Building Tomorrow (an Indianapolis based non-profit organization). Building Tomorrow has financially supported the construction of 8 schools in Uganda, and now this school funded by Off the Mat, Into the World will be the 9th - providing an education to over 400 children from 7 different villages! The current nearest school for these children is 5-6km away - which may not seem very far (3 miles - 4miles), but when there are no cars for transportation and the children have to walk this distance each way - it is unlikely they are attending school.

4.2 acres of land has been purchased for this school. The plan is to build a 7-room schoolhouse, housing for the teachers (this will be the first of Building Tomorrow's school to have housing for the staff), and eventually dorms to transition it into a boarding school. Once the school is built the government will supply the salary for the teachers and oversee the day-to-day operations.

The children, parents, grandparents, local neighbors are all volunteering their time - between 25 and 25,000 hours of manual labor - to construct this school. Once the primary school (ages 6-12) is completed, the children will then receive a free education.

With our donations they were also able to purchase 2 brick making machines, similar to that at Shanti Uganda (the birth center). In the picture above you can see me struggling to pull down the lever to make the brick....yeah I only got so far before I recruited the help of 2 others to complete the task. This school is the first to use the new, cost-effective, interlocking brick system (sort of like Lego's:). Once the bricks for the school are completed the machines can be used by the people of the local villages to make bricks to sell for income - I love this idea of continually paying it forward!

A huge smile spread across my face as we drove up to the school site. At least a hundred men, women, and children were gathered to greet us - the biggest turnout Building Tomorrow has ever seen for one of their school projects! The pure excitement and joy that overcame me was overwhelming - once again that concept of seva - "selfless" service enters my mind. There is no way this is "selfless" service - yes, we are providing for them a means of education for their children - but they are providing to me the incredible gift of a life-changing experience - I am truly helping to make a difference in the world -for which I am deeply grateful.

After a brief introduction we dispersed into different projects - brick making, carrying bricks, hoeing, breaking up rocks/dirt. There were sooo many children running around the construction site we decided to form a standing assembly line to transport the bricks from one end of the site to the other where they were needed. Yes, it would have been faster for us to carry the bricks individually, but where is the fun and community building in that? The kids loved it because they were involved, we loved it because we were interacting with the children, and the "workers" loved it because we were bringing them their bricks:)! You can see part of the brick transport line in the first picture above.

Monday was a long, very hot day, doing physically challenging work.....when was the last time I carried bricks across a long distance? When was the last time I used a hoe or a shovel? When was the last time I pushed a wheelbarrow full of dirt over a fair distance? Hmm...considering I live in a loft complex with no yard to tend to.....I can't tell you the last time I had myself involved in this type of work! But I can tell you this....it felt so good to get my hands dirty in Uganda's red clay earth and I even have blisters on my hands to prove my hard work:).

An Emotional Rollercoaster

Saturday turned out to be an emotional, confusing, yet insightful day. We spent the day at New Hope School and Orphanage. A man named Godfrey started it in 1997. After working at different schools throughout Uganda he felt compelled to create a school, a home, a family for children who are orphans and have no access to education. New Hope is home to street children with no mothers or fathers who can provide for them and the majority are HIV+. There are over 100 children at New Hope between the ages of 5 and 13 and some are older in need of an education. The intention behind New Hope is to provide a safe environment to educate, learn and thrive.

We were greeted by the choir group with a beautiful song:

It's a long, long way from oh Canada to Uganda

Passing over mountains and sandy rivers

But our God is good who has allowed you to come

We are happy to see you today

As soon as I sat down in front of all these beautiful children the tears started streaming down my face. Tears of happiness, yet sorrow, of joy, yet sadness. I was just completely overwhelmed by the smiles on their faces, their excitement to see us, their beautiful voices. I had to allow my emotions to overcome me at this point allow them to release.

I was and still am in a state of disbelief of how little this school had....no school supplies, bunk beds stacked 3 high with torn, worn out mattresses (children of all ages sharing beds because there aren't enough mattresses - younger children wetting the bed leaving dirty, smelly, un-sanitized sleeping quarters), and a small body of water shared with animals that acted as their water supply. I continue to ask myself in reality how are these children thriving? How are they learning when there are no school supplies to be seen - only a blackboard on the wall with no chalk, and a very high turnover rate of teachers? After a processing session...I saw my pestimistic questions in a different light - Perhaps these children are thriving. They are lucky to have a bed to sleep in, a roof over their heads, and food to eat. They are thriving, but just not in standards I know so I am projecting my thoughts, feelings, and attitude onto these children and their situation. It's a reality that these children will not be adopted or go on to further their education and will eventually leave New Hope to return to their village or a village to work if they are lucky, start their own family, and continue this vicious cycle of poverty, disease, and hardship.

OTM supported New Hope by creating a water filtration system, building a garden, supplying over 60 new mattresses, donating school supplies, soccer balls and jump ropes to play and painting a beautiful mural on their wall which will hopefully bring a smile to their faces.....

Our time at New Hope was spent interacting and playing with the children....what I do best:). Different stations were offered: parachute games, dance, yoga, reading books, having their picture taken and then placed in a frame for them to keep (some of these children have never seen a picture of themselves......makes you think about all that we take for granted), jump rope, and fluoride treatments. It really tore me up inside when I realized these children rarely, if ever, have a group of people like us interact with them. This day was "huge" to them, as it was to all of us. A few children expressed their gratitude through words:

Thank you for the garden for food and planting seeds

Thank you for the mattresses so we can sleep and dream

Thank you for the books we read

Thank you for the water to cook, drink, and wash

Others expressed their gratitude by hugs, smiles, or giggles. I expressed my gratitude to them by jumping right in and playing, laughing, smiling, and telling each child I interacted with, "thank you".

It was extremely sad to leave and I am sure as confusing for the children as it was for most of us. Twice I was asked by New Hope teachers, "Would you like to come back?" I of course, replied, "Yes, I would like to." They then asked, "When?" My heart dropped and I was speechless. I didn't know how to respond because I didn't want to give them an answer I couldn't promise to keep. I answered, "I am not sure when, but I know I would like to".

I have felt this sense of disconnect and disappointment since leaving there. Here we are this group of 24 women driving up to New Hope to play, to contribute, to interact, to have fun and then hours later we leave. Was this really fair? Did we give these children false hopes/expectations? Did we just deepen their sense of abandonment? Are they lying on their new mattresses hoping/dreaming that we or others will return to show them love and affection and play? Or am I again just assuming they feel like this when they are just as content without us ever being there? I was reassured today that all of the clothing, games, school supplies we donated will be staying there and put to proper use. I know our intentions for going there were good, but why am I feeling so damn crappy? I am feeling this need to support these children in some additional, on-going way.....not sure what that is or how it can be accomplished with follow through....but, I put my intention out there so we will see.

We left New Hope witnessing extreme poverty and that evening we were invited to a local yoga studio for a New Moon Celebration where we had the opportunity to witness how the upper class in Kampala live. Yes, my mind is still spinning, trying to find the common ground to fully appreciate this experience without feeling guilty. Upon arriving we were warmly greeted by members of the Kampala yoga community; consisting of people from Austria, England, Denmark, Australia, USA and Uganda. We all transitioned to the outdoor studio space furnished with meditation pillows, candles, Buddha statues and other spiritual elements. It was a beautiful, relaxing atmosphere....but I kept saying to myself...Where am I? Is this reality? I was excited to see the other economic side of Uganda.....but it all happened so fast. We were guided into an intention setting ceremony by Gavin, the group leader (this yoga space was part of his home). This was my first experience with this type of ceremony....but I felt this was the most absolute perfect time to indulge in this new experience. After the ceremony we layed on to the floor on mats or blankets for a guided meditation. I was feeling peaceful, light, clearer and then Gavin's voice came through a microphone sound system saying something along the lines of "when I count back from 5 to 1, your mind will go still and you will find a state of total relaxation". I was at first shocked by the sound of his voice filling the air through the microphone....as it was completely unexpected.....Then of course instead of going into deep relaxation my mind went to: hmmmm....am I going to be hypnotized into some sort of cult? Isn't this something you hear about in the news? I eventually got the monkey mind to calm down and settled into his guided meditation....as I knew I was thinking crazy. A delicious vegetarian meal was prepared for us by the yoga community and we spent the evening talking, sharing stories with one another. I met some wonderful, passionate people this evening and have become even more deeply inspired by the ex-pats who have followed their dreams to live and work in Uganda.

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is our one day "off" - our only 2 scheduled activities for the day include yoga and then an evening at the Ndre Center for a show of traditional music and dance. My plan is to go to the local market and update my blog with posts and pictures:) - I know it's an exciting day:) - I am kind of relieved to see it's a rainy day - the first one since we have been here. Today started off with a heart felt email from my wonderful, supportive husband wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day (our first one as a married couple:) and then a beautiful bouquet of roses was delivered to my room - I know, I was in a state of disbelief too. I am across the world and Madison manages to send me flowers on Valentine's Day.....I am one lucky gal. I hope all of your Valentine's Day is full of love, compassion, light, happiness, and commitment to all of your loved ones, yourself, and all that you encounter. I left yoga with this wonderful thought imprinted in my mind - If we only live as if everyday is Valentine's Day - full of love, light, and compassion in our hearts, thoughts, and actions - how our worlds would be different.

Compassion Not Pity

The birthing clinic is just one of Natalie's projects in Uganda. She also started a women's group who meet on the grounds of Bishop Asili Clinic (they will move to the Shanti Uganda site when it is finished - hopefully by the end of March). The group consists of 26 women, chosen out of 600, ranging from 24 to 60 years old. The women are HIV+, some are grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren, others are younger woman - some of whom are pregnant, all on ARV treatment (drugs an infected person can take to control and lessen the effects of HIV). Prior to this women's group they were living in extremely challenging situations with little hope and essentially this group has given them a new start on life in Uganda.

The women were trained by other women in Kampala on the art of rolling recycled paper into beautiful beaded jewelry. Remember all of the beaded jewelry I sold last year through BeadforLife (over $6,000 worth)...these are the same exact beads, just made through a different group of women in Uganda. Other women in the group were trained on creating beautiful patchwork bags/purses. Natalie sells the beaded jewelry and bags back in the US and Canada for these women (mainly at different festivals/markets) and the women also sell locally. Natalie makes sure everyone is paid equally each week and created an economic group so the women learn to manage and save their money. With training they used the proper resources to help them get our of their current living situation, improve their nutrition, health status, and prepare for the future of their lives and their children's. After 5 years the women will graduate from the program, receive a certificate of completion and a new group of women will transition in.

After talking with Natalie we went to Bishop Asili Clinic to meet these beautiful, successful women. They greeted us with a vibrant song and dance, an amazing welcome banner decorated with beads, and listened to a current midwife talk to the women about the risk of transmitting HIV onto their children and their current birth practices (all translated to us by Julius - Natalie's Ugandan project manager - he runs the show for Shanti Uganda when she is back in Canada). They served us a traditional Ugandan lunch of potatoes, greens (sort of like spinach), matoke (mashed bananas), rice, beans and G-nut sauce. This meal became our standard meal while in Kasana - I believe we had it 6 times total and came to know it very well by the end of our time there:). We were then split into groups where we learned to roll the beads - Yes, I finally learned to roll the beads! I was very excited for this as I felt a special connection to this project since selling this jewelry served as a major fundraiser for me over the past year!! It is not easy to roll the beads - very tedious and challenging - yet the women of course make it look so easy. We were able to financially support them by purchasing their jewelry and bags.

We taught gentle yoga to these beautiful women, which we all thoroughly enjoyed. It was fun, although challenging when it was my turn to lead the poses, especially with the language barrier. But just demonstrating the postures and encouraging them to try - sharing a smile, a gentle touch of assistance, and a nod of encouragement - brightened their day and mine.

That evening we split into groups of 5 and were invited into the homes of some of the women from the group for dinner. My group went to Babyire's home - a young mother of 4 children. Her 3 sons live with their grandparents - as she explained they are receiving better opportunities there and her 10 year old daughter lives with her. She does not have a husband. We were dropped off in her village and greeted by many, many children running up to us - smiling, some calling us "mzungos" (term for a white person), giggling, reaching their hands out to greet us. I was feeling torn here, as I have felt on many parts of this trip so far - I don't want to be looked at by the locals as "another white tourist" or a spectator or someone who just wants to take pictures of them - but what I have learned is these children and families rarely, if ever have people like us come to their village. It's an honor to them to have us (as it is an absolute beyond an honor to be there), the children love having their picture taken and being shown the picture on your camera afterwards, they love playing with us and just looking at our white skin and our "loose" hair. I am still reluctant at times to take out my camera - as I truly want to capture everything, but I keep reminding myself when I am taking pictures of the mothers and their children, of their homes, of their environment it is coming from a place of compassion, understanding, curiosity, not of sympathy and pity.

Babyire's home is a one-room concrete structure with a simple fabric curtain separating the living area from the bedroom. Dinner was prepared on a tiny charcoal stove outside her home and was beautifully displayed on a small table in the living area. We sat on mats with our legs underneath us. Her neighbor, Moses, a 23 year old artist, joined us for dinner and acted as our interpret or. He spoke English fairly well and took the conversation off on a tangent towards the end of the evening about his born again Christian religion. Yes, it was a bit awkward but yet it's all about embracing all of the experiences, right? Her extremely polite daughter left her friends outside playing in the dark to join us for this delicious meal. As I was sitting in Babyire's home I kept telling myself to absorb every moment...be in the present moment....take it all in. Traveling through Nicaragua, Dominican Republic, Kenya, and Tanzania the curiosity always arose in me wondering what the homes looked like inside. Again - this curiosity isn't come from the sense of I want to see it so I can pity them or for a comparison to what we have at home -it comes from a sense of curiosity so I can truly empathize and understand where they are coming from. Dinner was a truly delightful, yet humbling experience. You can hear the giggles and squeals of children outside her curtain door, the dim light of her cell phone (yes, I did find the irony in that) allowed us to see each other's faces, the food on our plates, and the simple exchange of smiles added a sense of comfort to the situation. We were all so grateful for this experience. Babyire repeatedly thanked us and I of course kept shaking my head saying it is me who is thanking you for inviting us into your home, to witness/see your world, your life, your family - it is you who worked so hard to present us with this wonderful meal - thank you doesn't even begin to express my gratitude for this experience.

I have learned a lot about the Ugandan culture since we have been here and it has definitely not made men out to be the most likeable human beings in Uganda. But the men we worked with to build Shanti Uganda were inspiring and I believe we inspired them. It was bitter sweet when the men came running after our bus when we left the Shanti Uganda site that day. The men in Uganda are stereotypically "horrible" to women....but the men we worked so hard with to build Shanti Uganda were invested, supportive, generous, open, hard-working - so it just goes to show there are exceptions to every rule:).

Before we left Kasana we were invited to Natalie's and her partner's Nick's house for lunch. This is where we presented her with the suitcases full of donated items for the birth center we all collectively brought from our respective homes. It truly comes to show when people come together for a purpose the world can change.

I was trying to resolve the inner conflict going on in my head as we drove back to Kampala on Thursday afternoon. I was feeling guilty for looking forward to our warm hotel showers, clean clothes, a bed that I am "okay" to sleep in with my sleepsack (for those of you that don't know me I have this unexplainable fear of beds), a meal other than carbs......how can I be looking forward to all of this when we just witnessed people living without electricity, running water, clothes to cover their children or even themselves, shoes for their feet, schools for their children, a husband to love and to care for their children? I understand this is their lifestyle and what they are accustomed to....but how does one not feel guilty to return to an air conditioned hotel room? Yes, it does make me appreciate what we have - bottled water, clean clothes, a hot shower, a toilet that flushes. In talking with one of group leaders she helped me resolve this conflict in my mind - I am not pitying these people, but I have compassion for them and I am here for service. In order for me to keep continuing to provide for those in need I need to sustain myself - If anyone else has any others words of advice, guidance please feel free to share.

Following My Intuition

The wealth of knowledge I have gained since arriving in Uganda less than a week ago is priceless. I have learned a tremendous amount about the Ugandan culture (the good and the bad), birthing practices, and HIV/AIDS. Upon arriving in the Luweero District and checking into the guesthouse (along the lines of a youth hostel - 2 beds and a bathroom with a workable toilet if you were lucky and a shower between the toilet and the sink - our shower head didn't work so we used the faucet low to the ground for "rinsing off") we met with Natalie to bring us up to date on construction of the birthing center, current birth practices in Uganda and the other programs she established in this area.

In Kasana, which is probably more "equipped" than other parts of the country there are 3 options for a women when it's time for her to give birth. She can birth at home in her village with a traditional birth attendant (which by the way are illegal in Uganda), go to the local hospital where although it is free, the care is so extremely horrific and poor that the women are scared and reluctant to go there, or there is Bishop Asili Clinic where women can go to birth their child but they have to pay for every single piece of material used (gloves, towels, wash clothes, bandages, and it isn't even guaranteed the supplies will be readily accessible). They are advised to bring their own supplies and plastic bag to "hop" up onto on the birthing table when they are ready to push their baby out. Many women cannot afford to pay at Bishop Asili so they are often reluctant to go there - or if they do and cannot afford to pay they will stay there until someone comes with money or they escape. We were able to tour the clinic - and there were births going on while we were there (which I will talk about later) but by no means is this the place where "we" would want to deliver our babies under any circumstances. Although it is the best option in the area, their is no "love" given at all to the birthing mother. My friend Sarah, a doula, who is on this adventure with me witnessed and supported mothers during 3 births over the 2 days we were there. She explained to me that the current midwives at the clinic are harsh and almost instill a sense of "fear" to the birthing mother where they don't even want them to make any audible sounds while giving birth. You cannot even "hop" up onto 1 of the 2 birthing tables with the rusted metal stirrups until you are absolutely ready to push the baby out.

It is almost unfathomable how these women are giving birth and surviving - especially in our western world with our standards. Women in Uganda average between 4 and 10 children - not always by choice. It is illegal for women to practice any form of birth control without the written/verbal permission of their husband. Needless to say, there aren't many women on birth control. Husbands are typically not present during the birth of their child - and the mother isn't allowed to name her child until she brings them home to her husband. Also keep in mind these pregnant goddesses have to walk days to a clinic to give birth since they are so far and few between.

Now it is probably more obvious why Natalie was so deeply inspired and committed to create Shanti Uganda - by the way it's no coincidence that Natalie's last name is "Angell"). Shanti Uganda will focus on empowering women, change current birthing practices while incorporating cultural/traditional practices, and eventually create a midwifery program to train women to become midwives to take this birth practice back to their respective village. Natalie would like to see a relationship established between midvives and the mother and for a small fee provide the mother with a care package, food, and a commitment to prenatal care. There are about 50-70 births a month at Bishop Asili Clinic. Natalie hopes to accommodate 40-50 births a month at the new birth center. Also with our donation of 150k they just purchased a vehicle to act as an emergency transport if they need to take the birthing mother to the hospital or Bishop Asili for a c-section or any other medical complications they are unable to handle at Shanti Uganda.

As I mentioned previously there were a few births while we were at Bishop Asili Clinic. This birth center was my friend Sarah's (who is a doula) main focus when fundraising for this adventure so she wanted to assist in any way she could at the clinic. Her presence at the clinic was a true blessing for the 3 women (1 was a c-section) she helped birth. The women are typically by themselves when giving birth and the midwives at the clinic show no love, compassion, support for these beautiful women. Sarah, with the permission of these mothers in labor, empowered these women during their birth process (even giving her scarf to act as a wet wash cloth for one of the women as there were no towels). I had the opportunity to assist Sarah during the birth on the second day at the clinic. However, the night before my intuition was telling me to give up my slot (out of 24 of us total - we all couldn't be in the birthing room nor would it be appropriate; over the 2 days 7 of us witnessed, supported, assisted, gave their love to birthing mamas). As much of a beautiful experience the birth of a newborn baby is, I honestly felt it would be inappropriate for me to be there. I know I couldn't "hold the space" as well as some of the other women on this trip with me. As much as I would love to support a woman during labor, this would have been my first experience - and I truly felt the first birth I want to witness is my own. I asked my friend, Amanda (mother of 3 children from Oregon) if she would like to take my place. I know I made the right decision when I saw her at the end of the day back in Kampala - She said, "12 years ago today I gave birth to my first baby and today, exactly 12 years later I helped a woman give birth to her first baby" (it was a girl:). There are very few times in my life when I make a decision like this and don't look back and say - oh man, I wish I chose the other path......but today I was absolutely positive I made the right decision.

One Girl's Vision Comes True....

We departed early Tuesday morning for Kasana in the Luweero District (approximately an hour from where we are staying in Kampala)and stayed there for the past 2 nights. Many of you have heard me speak about part of the money I was fundraising for was going towards the creation of a birthing center in Uganda. I did my research on this throughout the year (www.shantiuganda.org) and we were updated on our monthly conference calls about the progression of this project named, Shanti Uganda, but I admit I had a hard time fully grasping what this was exactly going to look like, how it would function once built, and the intention/reasoning behind it. Well, let me tell you the past 2 days has been an ubelieveable eye opening, enlightening experience and reality set it. I can promise you 150k of the money raised through this past year's Seva Challenge is 100% going towards the creation of this beautiful, needed birthing center in Kasana, Uganda. With my eyes, I saw the makings of Shanti Uganda and helped build it with my own 2 hands and feet:)!

Let me give you a quick synopsis of how Shanti Uganda came to be....as I am and continued to be so deeply inspired by this story. A lady named Natalie Angell (from Vancouver) studied Africa, particularly Uganda, while in university. She was so intrigued and invested in learning more about Uganda's history and the war in Uganda that was rarely, if ever talked about in the US and Canada, traveled there in 2007. Natalie, a doula and yoga teacher (keep in mind, she is younger than me), began teaching yoga to the women and children in Uganda inspired to bring the healing power of yoga to communities experiencing trauma. She called her vision "Shanti Uganda" (Shanti means peace). While in Uganda in 2007, Natalie's vision was becoming a reality; creating a yoga program at a local school and supported birthing at a health clinic.

Natalie expressed her future vision of Shanti Uganda - the creation of a birthing center in an area of Uganda to bring back safe, traditional birthing practices, provide prenatal and postnatal care to mothers and their babies and prenatal yoga. She shared this vision with Seane Corn (co-found of Off the Mat, Into the World - the program I am here with) a few years ago and Seane always kept Natalie's dream in the "back of her head". While Seane was researching projects in Uganda for this Seva Challenge to benefit she was watching the progression of Natalie's idea through her website. She then contacted Natalie and asked her what is her dream for Shanti Uganda if money wasn't an issue? Natalie expressed to Seane her vision, sent her 3 different proposals and before we knew it, Natalie's ultimate dream of Shanti Uganda was becoming a reality. Natalie's origninal plan for Shanti Uganda was to be one building, estimated at 50k to build....with the Seva Challenge's donation of 150k that plan was changed into an acre of land for 3 buildings (one as an office for prenatal and postnatal care, prenatal yoga, and clinic office, 2nd building for 2 separate birthing rooms, shower, bathroom, and 3rd building to serve as a community center for local women in an income generating group with HIV/AIDS to meet) and a car to transport women to a local hospital in case of medical complications during birth beyond the capability of Shanti Uganda.

An acre of land was purchased and in January 2010 the construction began - first with clearing out the bush, then creating a road into the birthing center property and now the buildings have started. When I arrived to the Shanti Uganda site (which by the way was on the back of a motorcycle - a complete adrenaline rush which I will talk about in a different blog) I was completely overwhelmed by the men of local villages working hard on laying brick, making bricks, creating the plans for the water filtration system, and the local women coming on a weekly basis to work on the gardens. I couldn't believe that a little over a month ago this land was the bush! Natalie united the people of the surrounding villages to work on this amazing project and in such sort time they have come so far. We spent the past 2 1/2 days getting our hands dirty. We were educated on how the bricks were made and how to lay them....then we got right into it. Our barefeet were stomping around in the mud to mix in the straw which was then layed between the bricks.....in the 2 days we were there the walls of the community center were half way created! I can't wait to show you pictures. We also worked on carving and sculpting in the office/prenatal care building and scooping the "dirt" into brick-making machine then pulling the heavy lever down to create interlocking bricks for the water tank. It was truly inspiring how we all worked together as one with locals of the community....and it didn't even hit me until later how much this project was impacting the community. The money funded for Shanti Uganda is yes, creating this amazing, well-needed birthing center, but it is providing jobs to the local men to create this project, providing business to the stores in the village for supplies and making the property around Shanti Uganda so much more valuable.

All of the fundraising I did over the past year has become a reality. I can't wait to show you all pictures especially of the progression of the buildings in just 2 days. The past 2 1/2 days have been 2 of the most rewarding days of my life and I know there is only more to come. Seane even taught the men yoga and man were they flexible and good!! As our bus drove away today the men came running out of the bush waving and shouting happiness after us!


The past 2 1/2 days were also filled with addititional cultural activities which I will talk about in a later blog....as I am completley exhausted and need some sleep for another big day tomorrow!! Hope this finds you all well and healthy - and those on the east coast....nice and warm with all that snow!

Peace-
Danielle

Our second full day has come to an end. One of our trip leaders, Joseph,(a native Ugandan) went to the airport for us late last night with all of our information to pick up our missing bags, but they wouldn't release the bags to him....so me and the 2 other girls with the lost luggage went back this morning to pick them up personally because that was the only way to get them. Yes, our bags were there:). Joseph was so kind to take us 3 girls while the rest of the group went on with the day's planned activities and we met up with them at lunch time. I was disappointed to miss the Youth Aids Office presentation about the AIDS epidemic here in Uganda and personal stories shared by locals. We donated 10k to the Youth AIDS organization as part of our fundraising. The group filled us in on what we missed, which I am grateful for, but I wish I could have been there to process the information myself.

It was fun, educational experience going with Joseph this morning on the 90 min drive to and from the airport. When we arrived last Sat night it was dark so we didn't get to see much of the scenery, but we had the opportunity to experience it in daylight today......we saw Lake Victoria, a beautiful site, many different villages, markets selling anything from food to clothing to furniture, buildings in progress, buildings abandoned, lush fields, and hundreds of people walking. Driving is just as crazy here as it is in Kenya, especially in morning traffic....lots of motos and horn honking...minimal traffic lights...lots of circles and yiedling and people walking through and into traffic....although I had complete faith in Joseph I found myself gripping my seat many times and exhaling loudly as I saw people and motos come inches of the moving vehicle. He answered a lot of my questions about the slums we went to (how were the 40 families we donated food, clothing, supplies to chosen? based on need and family circumstances - the people of the slums also decided together; how many people live there? between 4 and 5 thousand; do other groups go to the Acholi Quarters and donate? rarely), life in Uganda, the different tribes, polygamy, his family, etc (you know me always asking lots of questions...I am just so curious about things). We pulled over at one point because the president's car was coming down the road....4-5 black cars in a row..it was pretty exciting - The president's car didn't stop to say hi to us, so I was a little disaapointed:)

We met the rest of our group for an authentic, yummy Ugandan lunch and then to Kasumbi Tombs, an active religious place for the Buganda Kingdom - we were given a brief tour of the grounds and history of the Buganda tribe. Afterwards we spent a short amount of time on a self-guided tour of the Uganda Museum (only museum in Uganda).

Every night we do a group processing activity which is extremely beneficial to help us process what we saw/did each day, our reactions to what we saw, how we deal with uncomfortable situations, what are our "triggers" that set us off - make us angry, uncomfortable, cry etc. Through tonight's group processing activity I learned this:

Yesterday's experience in the slums is one that continues to run through my mind....the poverty level there is unimagineable. Yes, we have poverty in the US, and I recognize this; but not at the level I witnessed yesterday. What inspired me most was the smile on the children's faces, the look of life and spirit in their eyes, and their compassion for each other. I keep wishing I could go back and bring them more....but is that what they really need? Do they really know what "more" is? Or I am just feeling guilty for all that I have in my life and know they are equally as human, but why are they living in these horrific conditions? Why were they born into this?

Joseph told me between 4,000 to 5,000 people live in the Acholi quarters with HIV spread throughtout - and I can honestly say that this was my first experience being in contact with people who are HIV+. Yesterday, before I went to Carmela's home where she cares for 19 children she shared her story of moving from Northern Uganda to the slums to escape the war. She contracted AIDS from one of her sons while caring for him, not knowing he had the disease. Her husband left her and lives in the slums with his second wife and she now has 19 children left to care for....When I approached her home and saw her family I was excited to bring them food, soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, books but was instantly hesitant to reach my hand out or to give them a hug. I didn't know which one of her son's was carrying the AIDS virus....I was scared/nervous for a few moments....but thank god I quickly overcame my own fears (my brain saying Danielle, what is wrong with you, you cannot contract AIDS through a hug, a handshake, a smile, talking)....and I then reached out to all of them as I sat in their home listening to their story.

I learned in tonight's processing session how easy it is to speak of what inspires you and how challenging it can be to talk about your fears or to even recognize what you are fearful of....as I buried the interaction I had with AIDS back in my brain until tonight's session...yes, probably because I was shameful that I even reacted the way I did....but now grateful I was able to own and recognize how I felt, how I changed it and how I can only grow from here. A smile comes to my face as I think back to Carmela and her family...did I really serve them or did they serve me?

Tomorrow morning we are off to the birthing center site, Kasana, about an hour drive from Kampala. We will be staying there for the next 2 nights so you won't hear from me until the end of the week:). I am so excited for tomorrow I hope I can fall asleep tonight:)

What to feel?

After exactly 24 hours of traveling (left Denver 12:00pm 2/5 arrived Uganda 12pm (denver time) 2/6; 10pm Uganda time) I made it to Uganda along with 21 other Off the Mat travelers. It was no surprise to me that my name was written in black marker on the "bags that didn't arrive" sign next to baggage claim. I just had to laugh when I saw this; as it only makes sense considering our bags didn't arrive with us when we traveled to Kenya 2 years ago. A part of me was still hopeful so I walked over to baggage claim and saw my blue suitcase with purple ribbon slowly traveling along the conveyer belt. So, the sign was only partly correct...my personal bag arrived, but the duffle bag of donations did not....although it should arrive this evening along with the luggage of 2 other fellow companions who were in similar situations, except none of their bags arrived.

After a short night's rest (had some trouble sleeping considering slept so much on the planes) our first full day began. After breakfast we listened to 2 members of the Invisible Children organization passionately speak about the war in Northern Uganda and the abduction of children forced into child soldiers, all under the control of one sick man. I highly encourage you to watch the short documentary, Invisible Children as it will provide you huge insight into what Norther Uganda has endured since the 1980's. Three young, naive film makers from CA are responsible for making this horrific affair into a now, huge, beneficial NGO. It's relieving to hear all that that Invisible Children has done to benefit the children and families of Northern Uganda and that there has been no existence of the Lord's Resistance Army in Norther Uganda for the past 3 years. Invisible Children has a satellite office in Denver who I plan on contacting when I return.

We listened to the heart-breaking, sad, scary, stories of members of the Acholi tribe who moved to Kampala from the north after the war broke out. Afterwards we had the fortunate opporunity to visit the Acholi Quarters (slums) to distribute food and other donated items. We were each given 2 families who we were to visit with in their homes and grace them with various items. I was given a family with 3 children (8, 5 and 3 y.o) and another family with 19 children. Before we departed we all searched through many, many suitcases full of donated items that as a collective group we brought with us, for appropriate items to give each family(on a side note...it was absolutely mind blowing how many suitcases we all managed to bring filled with children's clothing, school supplies, toys, toothbrushes, toothpaste, items for the birthing center, and the list can go on and on and on).

We were greeted with a beautiful tribal song and then matched up with our families. I had no idea what to truly expect from this experience......here I am walking with a 25 y.o. mother of 3, whose husband was killed by the rebels in the north, through a maze of "houses"; smiled, stared at, waved to, stared at....by neighbors along the way....left on my own to return to the original meeting spot I would have had no idea how to get back...did the thought "hmm...if I was "taken" into of these hundreds of homes would they be able to find me?"....yes, the thought went through my mind, but of course that did not happen.

I felt extremely inferior and almost silly sitting in the one chair in her humble home (almost the size of the small, small spare bedroom at home) with a bags of clothing, books, and food for her family. Her neighbor came over to translate English for me which made the situation a little more comfortable....although the look of a smile can sometimes say it all.
Yes, it did feel "good" to give her children these items as they sat on the floor anxiously looking at me, but I felt foolish because here I am, one that has "so much" at home and here I am giving so little in my eyes. I know what we gave today meant a lot to them and they were so appreciative but it doesn't come close to how much it meant to me when she placed one of her handrolled beaded necklaces around my neck. I just hope I expressed that enough to her.

After 10 minutes I was taken to the second family's home: 2 small shacks - one with 2beds and floor space for 19 children and the other a "sitting room" with mom's, who is HIV+ (contracted it from her son's open wounds who had AIDS) bedroom in the back. It was unclear, but the 19 children were her kids, grandchildren and sibling's children. I was invited into their home and all of the children (babies to young adults) crowded around as I distributed them all toothbrushes, toothpaste, books....the panic that momentarily went through me when I thought I miscounted the toothbrushes was moments aways from bringing me to tears.....but the numbers all worked out. Again, the placement of one of her handrolled beaded necklaces around my neck was so humbling.....here I am on this journey to help, supply, educate, build for those in need....but what I know I am receiving and will receive is a life changing journey and experience.

I just can't even begin to express how happy the smiles on the children's faces all over the Acholi Quarters are...tons of children of all ages running everywhere...so happy to see you...reaching out their hands to your hands.....pulling at your arm to look at their pictures on your camera......and just holding your hands as you walk down their dirt roads.....there are no words to express how happy this makes my heart feel.

Departure Day is Here!

Here I am.... at DIA terminal C all checked in and waiting anxiously to board the first leg of my flight to Dallas. My 2 bags barely cleared the weight limit, one at exactly 50lbs and the other at 52lbs. I was relieved to hear my bags will be checked all the way to Uganda and I won't have to collect them in London to recheck them through British Airways...just keeping my fingers crossed that this is actually true as I was told differently when I called the airline. Of course, just in case I packed some extra clothes in my carry on and of course my sleepsack....as I learned the hard way last time when flying to Kenya and our luggage (with my sleepsack in it) didn't make it until 3-4 days later. But, when it all comes down to it...who cares I am going to Uganda!!! It still doesn't feel real yet...maybe once I meet up with the rest of the group in London reality will surface:).
I am definitely anxious....checked my carryon probably 10 times so far to make sure my passport, tickets, money are all still there....yes, I am a checker:)

I continue to read Traveling with a Purpose printed in our itinerary to help ground me:

"Grateful for the opportunity to experience the world and serve children as a global volunteer and because peace begins with the individual, I affirm my responsibilty and commitment to:

Journey with an open mind and gentle heart.
Accept with grace and gratitude the diversity I encounter.
Revere and protect the natural environment which sustains all life.
Appreciate all cultures I discover.
Respect and thank my hosts for their welcome.
Offer my hand in friendship to everyone that I meet.
Support services that share these views and act upon them.
By my spirit, words, and actions encourage others to travel the world in peace."

Goodbye for now....unless something interesting comes up between now and Uganda I will write once I arrive to my final destination!
Love-
Danielle