An Emotional Rollercoaster

Saturday turned out to be an emotional, confusing, yet insightful day. We spent the day at New Hope School and Orphanage. A man named Godfrey started it in 1997. After working at different schools throughout Uganda he felt compelled to create a school, a home, a family for children who are orphans and have no access to education. New Hope is home to street children with no mothers or fathers who can provide for them and the majority are HIV+. There are over 100 children at New Hope between the ages of 5 and 13 and some are older in need of an education. The intention behind New Hope is to provide a safe environment to educate, learn and thrive.

We were greeted by the choir group with a beautiful song:

It's a long, long way from oh Canada to Uganda

Passing over mountains and sandy rivers

But our God is good who has allowed you to come

We are happy to see you today

As soon as I sat down in front of all these beautiful children the tears started streaming down my face. Tears of happiness, yet sorrow, of joy, yet sadness. I was just completely overwhelmed by the smiles on their faces, their excitement to see us, their beautiful voices. I had to allow my emotions to overcome me at this point allow them to release.

I was and still am in a state of disbelief of how little this school had....no school supplies, bunk beds stacked 3 high with torn, worn out mattresses (children of all ages sharing beds because there aren't enough mattresses - younger children wetting the bed leaving dirty, smelly, un-sanitized sleeping quarters), and a small body of water shared with animals that acted as their water supply. I continue to ask myself in reality how are these children thriving? How are they learning when there are no school supplies to be seen - only a blackboard on the wall with no chalk, and a very high turnover rate of teachers? After a processing session...I saw my pestimistic questions in a different light - Perhaps these children are thriving. They are lucky to have a bed to sleep in, a roof over their heads, and food to eat. They are thriving, but just not in standards I know so I am projecting my thoughts, feelings, and attitude onto these children and their situation. It's a reality that these children will not be adopted or go on to further their education and will eventually leave New Hope to return to their village or a village to work if they are lucky, start their own family, and continue this vicious cycle of poverty, disease, and hardship.

OTM supported New Hope by creating a water filtration system, building a garden, supplying over 60 new mattresses, donating school supplies, soccer balls and jump ropes to play and painting a beautiful mural on their wall which will hopefully bring a smile to their faces.....

Our time at New Hope was spent interacting and playing with the children....what I do best:). Different stations were offered: parachute games, dance, yoga, reading books, having their picture taken and then placed in a frame for them to keep (some of these children have never seen a picture of themselves......makes you think about all that we take for granted), jump rope, and fluoride treatments. It really tore me up inside when I realized these children rarely, if ever, have a group of people like us interact with them. This day was "huge" to them, as it was to all of us. A few children expressed their gratitude through words:

Thank you for the garden for food and planting seeds

Thank you for the mattresses so we can sleep and dream

Thank you for the books we read

Thank you for the water to cook, drink, and wash

Others expressed their gratitude by hugs, smiles, or giggles. I expressed my gratitude to them by jumping right in and playing, laughing, smiling, and telling each child I interacted with, "thank you".

It was extremely sad to leave and I am sure as confusing for the children as it was for most of us. Twice I was asked by New Hope teachers, "Would you like to come back?" I of course, replied, "Yes, I would like to." They then asked, "When?" My heart dropped and I was speechless. I didn't know how to respond because I didn't want to give them an answer I couldn't promise to keep. I answered, "I am not sure when, but I know I would like to".

I have felt this sense of disconnect and disappointment since leaving there. Here we are this group of 24 women driving up to New Hope to play, to contribute, to interact, to have fun and then hours later we leave. Was this really fair? Did we give these children false hopes/expectations? Did we just deepen their sense of abandonment? Are they lying on their new mattresses hoping/dreaming that we or others will return to show them love and affection and play? Or am I again just assuming they feel like this when they are just as content without us ever being there? I was reassured today that all of the clothing, games, school supplies we donated will be staying there and put to proper use. I know our intentions for going there were good, but why am I feeling so damn crappy? I am feeling this need to support these children in some additional, on-going way.....not sure what that is or how it can be accomplished with follow through....but, I put my intention out there so we will see.

We left New Hope witnessing extreme poverty and that evening we were invited to a local yoga studio for a New Moon Celebration where we had the opportunity to witness how the upper class in Kampala live. Yes, my mind is still spinning, trying to find the common ground to fully appreciate this experience without feeling guilty. Upon arriving we were warmly greeted by members of the Kampala yoga community; consisting of people from Austria, England, Denmark, Australia, USA and Uganda. We all transitioned to the outdoor studio space furnished with meditation pillows, candles, Buddha statues and other spiritual elements. It was a beautiful, relaxing atmosphere....but I kept saying to myself...Where am I? Is this reality? I was excited to see the other economic side of Uganda.....but it all happened so fast. We were guided into an intention setting ceremony by Gavin, the group leader (this yoga space was part of his home). This was my first experience with this type of ceremony....but I felt this was the most absolute perfect time to indulge in this new experience. After the ceremony we layed on to the floor on mats or blankets for a guided meditation. I was feeling peaceful, light, clearer and then Gavin's voice came through a microphone sound system saying something along the lines of "when I count back from 5 to 1, your mind will go still and you will find a state of total relaxation". I was at first shocked by the sound of his voice filling the air through the microphone....as it was completely unexpected.....Then of course instead of going into deep relaxation my mind went to: hmmmm....am I going to be hypnotized into some sort of cult? Isn't this something you hear about in the news? I eventually got the monkey mind to calm down and settled into his guided meditation....as I knew I was thinking crazy. A delicious vegetarian meal was prepared for us by the yoga community and we spent the evening talking, sharing stories with one another. I met some wonderful, passionate people this evening and have become even more deeply inspired by the ex-pats who have followed their dreams to live and work in Uganda.